Tags: amazon reviews, babies, baby batter, baby dick, baby's daddy, Baking, Baking and Confections, baking products, cock, cocks, Cooking, crazy cat bitches, crazy cat lady, cumbox, DIABEETUS, Dick, Dick Sneeze, flies, Food, Fuck, funny, Home, human contact, Humor, laughter, lil' diabeetus pies, lol, lols, lolz, lul, lulz, My LIl Pie Maker, orgies, orgy, pie, pies, pile of shit, silicone, strip club, swinger, swingers, swinging
Erect Your Own Cock Cookies
It’s fuckin’ important to sketch out your ideas first. The best way is to grab and firmly grasp your phallic cookie cutter and trace a shitload of peckers on some paper.
If you are a creative bitch, like me, you will ejaculate ideas on the paper.
I was pretty fuckin’ impressed with myself, so I went ahead and baked up some boomsticks and started decorating that shit.
The icing I used dries up pretty quickly, so it’s best to do one color at a time.
I am so Jeebus-damned talented.
I’m pretty happy with how these lil’ cocks turned out. The last couple of times I’ve made wang-shaped cookies they fell apart, but these dicks stayed hard.
What other designs could you come up with? Dick-shaped elves?
A bell with two balls? Maybe you could just make a penis and tie a festive bow around it?
An awkwardly shaped dreidel? You could cover the tip of the penis with a nicely wrapped box and have dick in the box cookies!
The fucktacular possibilities are endless!
Tags: Baking, Baking and Confections, candles, Christmas, Christmas dick tree, Christmas tree, circumcised, cock, Confectionery, Cook, Cookie, Cooking, decorated cookies, DIABEETUS, Dick, ejaculate, Food, Fuck, fucktacular, funny, hanukkah, Home, Humor, Iced Sugar Cookies, Icing, Jeebus, Jeebus Day, Jew, Jewish, laughter, lol, lols, lolz, lul, lulz, menorah, Penis, reindeer, reindick, santa, santa dick, Shit, shitload, snow dick, snowman, snowman dick, star of david, Sugar Cookies, tree
It’s that time of the year again: The Fuckin’ Holidays. Time to show some hoes you care by sending them baked goods.
However, there are a lot of things to worry about when sending your hoes diabeetus:
- The dropping and subsequent destruction of your shitty baked goods.
- Spontaneous combustion.
- The mail-person rubbing their genitals on your box of baked goods. (You’ll know this took place when your hoes complains about a very peculiar stain and/or hole on the box.)
- Your package of baked goods being delivered to the wrong hoes.
How do you keep your hoes happy? Just follow the packing advice of Dis Hoe (that’s me, The Foul-Mouthed Baker), then you won’t have to worry about a mother fuckin’ thing, bitch.
1st Fuckin’ Step: Bake some shit. This time I made a fuckton of cookies: chai oatmeal raisin, the best fuckin’ chocolate chip cookies, spicy chocolate chip, and peanut butter blossoms.
2nd Fuckin’ Step: Put your cookies in freezer bags and seal dem bitches up tight. Hoes don’t like stale-ass cookies.
3rd Fuckin’ Step: Acquire some kind of packing material and place inside your box to cushion the bottom of your baked goods. Don’t spend a lot of money on this, since it is just for some hoes. I used plastic bags from the grocery store, which I usually use to dispose of my cats’ excrement.
4th Fuckin’ Step: Start putting the bags in the boxes. Yes, boxes. I have a lot of hoes that need their diabeetus fix.
TitTip: Be sure to use a Wal-Mart bag in every box. This way your hoes know you only used the finest fuckin’ ingredients.
5th Fuckin’ Step: Put some more packing materials on the sides and top of the box to give the cookies some cushion because they are going to be pushed. I think I messed that line up, but the main idea is to protect your cookies from being fucked.
BTFW: If you run out of plastic bags, or are a cheap mother fucker, you can usually find some local newspapers for free.
6th Fuckin’ Step: Properly label the box so it doesn’t get tousled around during transportation.
7th Fuckin’ Step: Be sure to address it to the right hoes. I wanted to make sure my package got to specific hoes: Dem Hoes.
FYFI: The best part of mailing this was when the lady at the post office pointed at “Dem Hoes” and asked if that was a name. She didn’t seem to understand what it meant, even after I told her it wasn’t a name. She wrote “Dem Hoes” on the tracking receipts. This was probably one of the most fucktacular moments of my life.
Don’t be a cunt, and send some diabeetus to your madre and padre. Titbit: Don’t address your parents as “Dem Hoes”. Some people think I don’t have a line to cross, but there it is. I won’t refer to my parents as hoes.
8th Fuckin’ Step: Ward others from stealing your package by placing a warning label on it. This way no one will want to steal the shit you made for your shittacular hoes.
9th Fuckin’ Step: Marvel at your diabeetus and think about your soon-to-be-fat hoes.
Mailing small cookies is much easier than mailing a giant diabeetus cookie. Although this pussy was still pretty fuckin’ satisfied.
Tags: Baking, Baking and Confections, bitch, bitches, Chocolate, chocolate chip cookies, Cookie, Cooking, Dat Hoe, Dem Hoes, DIABEETUS, Food, fragile, fragile shit, Fuck, fuckin holidays, fucktacular, fuckton, funny, Hoe, Hoes, Holidays, Home, Humor, laughter, lol, lols, lolz, lul, lulz, Mail, maillady, mailman, mailperson, national cookie day, oatmeal, oatmeal raisin cookies, Peanut butter, peanut butter cookies, post office, priority mail, Pussy, raisin, Shit, spicy chocolate chip cookies, TitTip, warning
One time I made a cake about a bad class, but not all classes and students are bad. Sometimes all the best students join together in one class and gives the instructor hope for the future. This was for one of those fucktacular classes.
Seriously, start putting more graphs on cakes. Next time a pie chart made of actual pie.
Tags: Baking, Baking and Confections, Cake, Cake decorating, Cat, Chocolate, Chocolate cake, Confectionery, Cook, Cooking, DIABEETUS, Food, Fuck, fucktacular, funny, Home, Humor, Icing, Icing (food), laughter, lol, lols, lolz, lul, lulz
This was a fuckin’ simple cake I made for my father. He has diabeetus and he likes Star Wars.
Tags: Baking, Baking and Confections, Cake, Cake decorating, Confectionery, Cook, Cooking, Cream Cheese, DIABEETUS, diabetic, diabetic coma, Food, Fuck, fucktacular, funny, Humor, Icing, Icing (food), laughter, lol, lols, lolz, lul, lulz, Powdered sugar, red velvet, Star Wars, Yoda, Yoda quote
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