Tag Archives: Matcha

Matcha Chai Latte

16 Feb

Background:

I fuckin’ love chai! But that concentrate stuff that you can buy at the store or at coffee places already made is full of sugar, and sometimes there aren’t any vegan milk options. However, if you make your own, you can use in your own sweetener and make it healthier.

I also fuckin’ love matcha! I went a little crazy and combined the two, and I think it turned out well.

The Shit You’ll Need:

  • 2 cups dry vegan milk powder (I’ve used Better Than Milk rice milk and Healthworks coconut milk with great success)
  • 2 tablespoons Matcha powder
  • 1/2 cup of powdered sweetener of your choice (Swerve works well)
  • 1/2 cup of granulated sweetener of your choice
  • 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
  • 2 teaspoons ground ginger
  • 1 teaspoon ground cardamom
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
  • 1 teaspoon ground turmeric (this shit is optional)
  • 2 teaspoons powdered or ground vanilla (this shit is optional)
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground pepper (this shit is optional)
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground all-spice (this shit is optional)
Here's the shit I used.

Here’s the shit I used.

How to make this shit:

  1. Neatly place all the ingredients in a bowl.
Well, I fucked this picture up. Let me try again...

Well, I fucked this picture up. Let me try again…

2. I said NEATLY place all the ingredients in the bowl. Once you have neatly placed the ingredients in the bowl, you can mix them up.

Here are all the ingredients laid out for your to see in case you don't know what they look like. Now this is picture-fuckin'-sque.

Here are all the ingredients laid out for you to see in case you don’t know what they look like. Now this is picture-fuckin’-sque.

3. To really grind up the ingredients, place them, a cup at a time, in a blender.

This powder is green as shit.

This powder is green as shit.

4. Take it out of a blender and put it in a container.

FAQs

Q: What do I did with this powder shit?

A: Mix about 2 tablespoons of the powder in 8 ounces of hot water.

Q: How do I make this shit creamier?

A: Only mix the powder in 4 ounces of hot water, and then add 4 ounces of delicious milk. (Tit Tip: Coconut and flax milk are tastiest.)

Q: How do I make this shit super MEGA creamy?

A: Mix the powder in half hot water and milk, and add a spoonful or two of coconut cream. It is sure to make you wonderfully fat.

Awww yisss... Look at that creamy swirl. LOOK AT THE FUCKIN' CREAMY SWIRL!

Awww yisss… Look at that creamy swirl. LOOK AT THE FUCKIN’ CREAMY SWIRL!

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The Best Icing in the God-Damned World

26 Sep

A friend of mine introduced me to the world of matcha, and my life was forever changed. If you haven’t tried matcha green tea candy, cake, or some other dessert you should take a step back and seriously examine your life. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!?!

I thought matcha would pair nicely with ginger, and it did. I’m a fuckin’ genius! I’m also super fuckin’ nice, so I will share my Matcha-Ginger Cream Cheese Icing recipe with you.

Ingredients

  • 1 fuckin’ package of vegan cream cheese (8oz package)
  • 1 stick o’ Lardy McChunkyBuns Butter (1 stick, any vegan stick will do)
  • Matcha green tea powder (2+ tablespoons)
  • Ground Ginger (2+ tablespoons)
  • 4 fucktons of powdered sugar (4 cups)

Instructions

Make sure the cream cheese and butter is softened and then mix that shit together until it is smooth.

If you are unaware of the wonders of green tea, this probably looks unappetizing and shitty. Just the color of the matcha powder makes my mouth water.

If you are unaware of the wonders of matcha, this probably looks unappetizing and shitty. Just the color of the matcha powder makes my mouth water.

Then, mix in the ginger and matcha green tea powder. Finally, mix in a fuckton of powdered sugar. I’ve heard from expert sources (e.g., Asians) that you can’t have too much green tea flavoring. So I put a lot more matcha powder in there than stated in the ingredients, but do whatever the fuck you want.

Put That Shit On A Cake

I put this god-damned icing on a green tea cake, but I think it would work on a vanilla cake too.

This is making my mouth fuckin' water.

This is making my mouth fuckin’ water.

Check This Shit Out

My friend was going off on an internship several states away for a few months. Several states away? Might as well be another country. We wanted her to come back, so I made the place she was going to seem pretty lame.

'Merica: Land of Cake and DIABEETUS!

‘Merica: Land of Cake and DIABEETUS!

She’s back, so, obviously, the cake worked.

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