I’ve already committed several baking fuck-ups, but there is always room to learn more by fuckin’ some more shit up. Here are some recent fuck-ups:
Fuck-Up #1: Not setting the timer and burning shit.
I thought I set the timer, but then I smelled the burning. TitTip: Don’t be a shithead and always double-check to make sure you set your timer correctly.
There are many ways to burn baked goods, if that’s what you are into… I bet that’s some sort of porn I haven’t stumbled upon yet: people of all shapes and sizes rubbing burnt, still warm cookies on their genitals. I could get into that. Just imagine a cunt covered in burnt oatmeal raisin goo, or a cock dipped in an overcooked, crumbly shortbread mess. The thought of that just made me fizz all over my keyboard.
Those aren’t double chocolate chip cookies on the left. I burnt the shit out of those cookies.
Fuck-Up #2: Not letting a cake cool long enough and destroying your shit.
The reason you are supposed to wait a few minutes for a cake to completely cool is so it will easily slide out of a pan in one shittacular piece. I totally fucked up this cake, but it was okay, since it was for a couple of assholes.
Shit. I didn’t wait for the cake to cool long enough. Fuck Sticks.
Fuck-up #3: Pushing too much icing out at once, like a fuckhead.
When you are decorating a cake, be careful to not get fuckin’ crazy and squeeze too much icing at once and cause a mess. Sometimes it is very easy to cover or clean up a mess, and other times it is not. In this case, I could not clean it up, but it didn’t matter because the people consuming the cookie cake were totally drunk.
Shit Tits! No, I literally got this shit on my tits.
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The Foul-Mouthed Baker 