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Tag Archives: Christmas

Dicktacular Holiday Cock Cookies

23 Dec

Last Jeebus Day my friends and family enjoyed festive Christmas Cock Cookies. I can’t do the same thing every year, but dicks are always in demand.

Erect Your Own Cock Cookies

It’s fuckin’ important to sketch out your ideas first. The best way is to grab and firmly grasp your phallic cookie cutter and trace a shitload of peckers on some paper.

If you are a creative bitch, like me, you will ejaculate ideas on the paper.

Check out Santa's Oh face.

Check out Santa’s Oh face.

I was pretty fuckin’ impressed with myself, so I went ahead and baked up some boomsticks and started decorating that shit.

Happy lil' fuck sticks.

Happy lil’ fuck sticks.

The icing I used dries up pretty quickly, so it’s best to do one color at a time.

The antlers make the balls look pretty tasty.

The antlers make the balls look pretty tasty.

I am so Jeebus-damned talented.

Here's Frosty keeping his balls nice and toasty.

Here’s Frosty keeping his balls nice and toasty.

I’m pretty happy with how these lil’ cocks turned out. The last couple of times I’ve made wang-shaped cookies they fell apart, but these dicks stayed hard.

These cum guns are fully loaded.

These cum guns are fully loaded.

What other designs could you come up with? Dick-shaped elves?

Oh, Christmas Dick tree. Oh, Christmas Dick tree. How lovely are your balls!

Oh, Christmas Dick tree. Oh, Christmas Dick tree. How lovely are your balls!

A bell with two balls? Maybe you could just make a penis and tie a festive bow around it?

Here's Rudolph the red-nosed reindick.

Here’s Rudolph the red-nosed reindick.

An awkwardly shaped dreidel? You could cover the tip of the penis with a nicely wrapped box and have dick in the box cookies!

This cock is totally circumcised.

This cock is totally circumcised.

The fucktacular possibilities are endless!

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Cakes Are Best Served Poison-Free

26 Dec

It’s the day after Jeebus Day! Did you get everything you wanted? Show your loved ones you aren’t a bitter lil’ cunt about the thoughtless gifts they gave you by making them a shitily decorated cake.

Okay. You caught me. There's a little bit of poison in it, but, I swear, it is just for added flavor and won't kill you.

Okay. You caught me. There’s a little bit of poison in it, but, I swear, it is just for added flavor and won’t kill you.

I made this cake about half a year ago, but I found a cake with a similar message yesterday. This person doesn’t put the messages on the cake on their own, but I feel like we could join forces and make something fucktacular together.

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Christmas Cock Cookies

19 Dec

This year I thought it would be fucktacular to make festive Christmas cock cookies.

I mean, who doesn’t love The Cock?

Cock Cookie Construction

Pick a standard sugar cookie recipe and start cutting some dicks out of that dough. Remember: Tis’ the season, so make that shit festive. I made mine festive by giving the dongs lil’ Santa hats, but you can try something else by using your god-dammed imagination.

I gave these dicks lil' hats. Dicks love hats.

I gave these dicks lil’ hats. Dicks love hats.

Surprisingly, these dicks were very delicate. I thought dicks were supposed to be hard, but, I guess, they are acting hard because they are big softies and trying to hide this trait.

This dick was soft.

This dick was soft.

Finishing off Fun Sticks: Explosive Fun

After baking and letting the wangs fuckin’ cool, you can decorate the shit out of the life size flesh towers.

Don't forget the pubes!

Don’t forget the pubes!

After breaking a bunch of the trouser snakes, I managed to have 13 finished peckers with lil’ warm heads.

On the 13th day of Jeebus' birthday, my baker gave to me: 13 cock cookies wearing lil' Santa hats on their heads.

On the 13th day of Jeebus’ birthday, my baker gave to me: 13 cock cookies wearing lil’ Santa hats on their heads.

TitTip: Use the smallest schlong cookie cutter you can find, if you can find smaller dick cookie cutters. The smaller, sturdier schmeckels may be less likely to break than these long, big dicks. From the tip of the hat to the bottom of the balls, these dicks were about 10 inches, which makes for a pretty fuckin’ big cock cookie. After decorating them, most of the heavily iced balls would break off, unless I was very gentle with the wangs. (FYFI: I am not gentle with wangs.)

Merry fuckin’ Jeebus Day!

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