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Archive | June, 2014

Your Best Life Decision Now In Cake-Form

19 Jun

Ever do something you fuckin’ regretted the shit out of at a party in front of a bunch of assholes? Well, that was fuckin’ stupid of you. This cake summarizes what may have been the best moment of two dudes’ lives.

German chocolate cake is the cake of lovers. 

German chocolate cake is the cake of lovers.

I lied. There were actually three dudes involved. They all took turns tongue-kissing each other to to horror or enjoyment of the crowd.

If you think this is strange, please keep in mind, the most-fucked up cake I’ve ever created was for for one dude involved in this fun life event.

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OctoVag > OctoPussy

5 Jun

Last year I made a friend my first foul-mouthed cake. Everyone thought it was pretty fuckin’ inappropriate at the time, but I decided to outdo myself with a shit-ton of mother fuckin’ inappropriateness on her most recent birthday cake. How could I outdo myself? With OctoVag!

All vaginas have a beauty all of their own. I call this work of vaginal art OctoVag.

All vaginas have a beauty all of their own. I call this work of vaginal art OctoVag.

I bought this octopus mold a couple of months prior to the making of this cake knowing that I would use it for my friend, but, at the time, I had no precise plans for it. As with all great artists, the fucktacular idea hit me one day when I was ever-so furiously masturbating.

This octopus resembles a bunch of droopy labia and one extra pointy clitoris. Go ahead. Rub your fuckin' nose in that clit!

This octopus resembles a bunch of droopy labia and one extra pointy clitoris. Go ahead. Rub your fuckin’ nose in that clit!

Dear Foul-Mouthed Baker,

Are you still friends with this person? I don’t see how you can be, since you are obviously a MEGA cunt. Also, I bet your cakes taste like shit and your face is stupid.

Best,
Concerned About Your Social Life

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Howdy Concerned About Your Social Life,

We are still MEGA best forever friends. My friends heart diabeetus and jokes, but especially diabeetus.

Go Fuck Yourself,
The Foul-Mouthed Baker

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