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Tag Archives: Vagina

The Most Fucktacular Search Terms

28 Aug

FYFI: WordPress allows bloggers to see what search terms people have used to stumble upon their blog.

And the #1 Search Termfor this blog: pussy cupcakes

People have used some pretty fucktacular terms to find this blog. I have categorized the search terms into six categories: Baking, Foul-Mouthed Baking, Nasty Baking (Possibly Porn), Porn, Fucked-Up Porn, and Random Shit From The Interwebs.

I have some real examples of the terms that fit into the categories below for your fuckin’ convenience. If you are too fuckin’ lazy to read through some funny terms, then here is a word cloud to show you the most used words to find this site.

FuckinWordCloud

Pussy is only #2 to cake.

Baking

The people who used these terms were just searching for everyday baking help on the Interwebs. Then, BAM! This blog slapped them in the face with a hard dick. Here are  some innocent terms:

Foul-Mouthed Baking

These people knew what they were getting into:

  • messages to write on a dick cake
  • how to make a penis from icing
  • funny fudge recipe with all the foul language
  • diabeetus cake
  • you look fucktacular
  • lil diabeetus snacks

Nasty Baking (Possibly Porn or Both)

These are pretty fuckin’ nasty, you sick fucks. These people may have been looking for porn.

  • cake cream in pussy images
  • can you rub jello on your clit
  • filling asshole with ice cream
  • can you masturbate with buttercream icing

Porn

These people were just looking for porn, but got diabeetus instead.

  • horse cock  in pussy close up pic original animal
  • cum covered butte
  • put chocolate in her ass
  • www. fresh fucking chocolate pussy.com
  • german baker fucks two men

Fucked-Up Porn

These are a little more than just regular porn.

Random Shit From The Interwebs

So you don’t leave this post with a bad taste in your mouth… These are completely random terms, so I’m sure no one was expecting to land on this site.

  • can cats have cookie butter
  • why does tequila make your penis soft
  • fuck korean tea
  • gay german boys kissing
  • vagina mold hamster
  • green tea and fuck
  • dick shaped shoes

A Learning Experience

I have learned a lot from compiling this list, but I have more questions. So here’s another shittastic list with all the new stuff I learned and questions I have:

  1. People like porn
  2. People can’t spell
  3. How many of my baking ingredients can I masturbate with?
  4. I would like to develop some “lil diabeetus snacks”.
  5. People are full of questions. Seriously, can cats have cookie butter?
  6. Also, fuck Korean tea.

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The fucktacular word cloud generator I used

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OctoVag > OctoPussy

5 Jun

Last year I made a friend my first foul-mouthed cake. Everyone thought it was pretty fuckin’ inappropriate at the time, but I decided to outdo myself with a shit-ton of mother fuckin’ inappropriateness on her most recent birthday cake. How could I outdo myself? With OctoVag!

All vaginas have a beauty all of their own. I call this work of vaginal art OctoVag.

All vaginas have a beauty all of their own. I call this work of vaginal art OctoVag.

I bought this octopus mold a couple of months prior to the making of this cake knowing that I would use it for my friend, but, at the time, I had no precise plans for it. As with all great artists, the fucktacular idea hit me one day when I was ever-so furiously masturbating.

This octopus resembles a bunch of droopy labia and one extra pointy clitoris. Go ahead. Rub your fuckin' nose in that clit!

This octopus resembles a bunch of droopy labia and one extra pointy clitoris. Go ahead. Rub your fuckin’ nose in that clit!

Dear Foul-Mouthed Baker,

Are you still friends with this person? I don’t see how you can be, since you are obviously a MEGA cunt. Also, I bet your cakes taste like shit and your face is stupid.

Best,
Concerned About Your Social Life

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Howdy Concerned About Your Social Life,

We are still MEGA best forever friends. My friends heart diabeetus and jokes, but especially diabeetus.

Go Fuck Yourself,
The Foul-Mouthed Baker

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This Mother’s Day Remember to Recognize the Struggles of the Vagina

8 May

A dear friend of mine had a baby less than a month before Mother’s Day, so when her special day of recognition came her bits were still a little fucked up. Rather than say, “Yo shit is fucked up!”, I decided to wish her pussy a speedy recovery.

That shit was fucked up, but the vagina was happy for the kind words of encouragement.

That shit was fucked up, but the vagina was happy for the kind words of encouragement.

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Dear Vegans, Thanks for Being Fuckin’ Picky Eaters

1 Nov

Today is World Vegan Day! In honor of this day, I will share all the fucktacular stuff I have learned from baking for my vegan friends.

1. The best chocolate cake recipe ever is vegan. I was fuckin’ shocked at how good a cake could be without butter and eggs. I feel like meat and animal products have let me down.

2. Exchanging butter for butter-flavored shortening doesn’t change the taste of icing. My favorite icing is now my own chocolate buttercream icing, which I make vegan. Again, animal products are letting me down. WHAT THE FUCK, ANIMALS?!?! If I can’t use you in baking, you will soon be rendered useless to me, which would allow you to live a longer, happier life.

3. Food fur thought: Can vegans eat the cat fur that will probably be in my baked goods? Keeping cat fur out of my baked goods is mission fuckin’ impossible. (It is also impossible to keep cat fur off my clothes, couch, bartender, tits, floor, vagina, friends, and right eye). I wondered how vegans felt about cat fur in their food. Well, when in doubt, ask a vegan! (That should be a weekly video blog: Ask a Vegan!) I queried a vegan friend and she said since the “cats gave up their fur willingly” it was okay for her to eat a cake with cat fur in it. Since all vegans are the same, I’m pretty sure I don’t need to confirm this with anymore vegans. That fuckin’ mystery is solved!

Never fear, vegans! You can totally eat this shit!

Never fear, vegans! You can totally eat this shit!

I’ve learned so much this fuckin’ year, and I owe some of that to vegans and their strange, self-inflicted dietary restrictions. Thanks for being so fuckin’ picky, vegans!

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All Vaginas Are Created Equal, But Some Taste Better

26 Aug

Women’s Equality Day deserves pro-lady cupcakes! Where there are pro-lady vagina cupcakes there will most certainly be a Vagina Raptor to fizz all over the place.

A Salute to Lower Lady Bits

This special day made me realize I often put dicks on desserts and use a lot of words for male-parts when speaking or writing, which may make it seem like I like dude junk more than chick junk. Therefore, I would like to take a moment to salute great words for lower lady bits:

  • Beef Curtains
  • Pussy (my personal favorite)
  • Cunt (favorite Shakespearean word)
  • Snapper
  • Panty hamster
  • Flappers
  • VaJayJay
  • Hatchet wound (Ted Bundy would enjoy the violent imagery)
  • Baby shoot
  • Bearded oyster

I bet you had a great time reading these words, since I had a shittacular time making that list. If you aren’t familiar with one or more of the words try adding them to your vocabulary for this special day, the next week, or, if you want to be fucktacular, the rest of your life.

Pro-Pussy and Pro-Tit Cupcakes

Here is a sample of some of my pro-pussy work. Not only can ladies vote, but now they can have cupcakes made in the likeness of their fun bits.

Look at all the cunts!

Look at all the cunts!

Here are some close-ups. Yes, the bottom left is a pussy with teeth. The bottom right looks like a Beholder.

Here are some close-ups. Yes, the bottom left is a pussy with teeth. The bottom right looks like a Beholder.

Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about the titties.

Tits! Boobies! Fun Bags! Breasts!

Tits! Boobies! Fun Bags! Breasts!

If you take nothing else away from this post about this special day, please remember:

Cunts are people too, or rather, cunts are attached to fucktacular people.

Cunts are people too, or rather, cunts are attached to fucktacular people.

Vagina Raptor: A Mythy Legend 

You may have heard “Vagina Raptor” being used as a euphemism for a chick on her rag, but the origin of this euphemism comes from an actual creature with the body of a raptor and a head shaped like a vulva. If you ran into a Vagina Raptor, and she wasn’t munching on some vagina cupcakes, she was probably pretty fuckin’ pissed. Vagina cupcakes aren’t available everywhere, which is why she gets a bad reputation as a bitch.

Once a Vagina Raptor eats a pussy cupcake, she covers herself in this slippery substance and happily slips away.

A happy Vagina Raptor about to enjoy a vagina cupcake. This shit is about to get slippery.

A happy Vagina Raptor about to enjoy a vagina cupcake. This shit is about to get slippery.

There are some people who would insist that Vagina Raptor needs to shave her face or at least give it a little trim, but she is beautiful just the way Jeebus made her.

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