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Archive | August, 2014

The Most Fucktacular Search Terms

28 Aug

FYFI: WordPress allows bloggers to see what search terms people have used to stumble upon their blog.

And the #1 Search Termfor this blog: pussy cupcakes

People have used some pretty fucktacular terms to find this blog. I have categorized the search terms into six categories: Baking, Foul-Mouthed Baking, Nasty Baking (Possibly Porn), Porn, Fucked-Up Porn, and Random Shit From The Interwebs.

I have some real examples of the terms that fit into the categories below for your fuckin’ convenience. If you are too fuckin’ lazy to read through some funny terms, then here is a word cloud to show you the most used words to find this site.

FuckinWordCloud

Pussy is only #2 to cake.

Baking

The people who used these terms were just searching for everyday baking help on the Interwebs. Then, BAM! This blog slapped them in the face with a hard dick. Here are  some innocent terms:

Foul-Mouthed Baking

These people knew what they were getting into:

  • messages to write on a dick cake
  • how to make a penis from icing
  • funny fudge recipe with all the foul language
  • diabeetus cake
  • you look fucktacular
  • lil diabeetus snacks

Nasty Baking (Possibly Porn or Both)

These are pretty fuckin’ nasty, you sick fucks. These people may have been looking for porn.

  • cake cream in pussy images
  • can you rub jello on your clit
  • filling asshole with ice cream
  • can you masturbate with buttercream icing

Porn

These people were just looking for porn, but got diabeetus instead.

  • horse cock  in pussy close up pic original animal
  • cum covered butte
  • put chocolate in her ass
  • www. fresh fucking chocolate pussy.com
  • german baker fucks two men

Fucked-Up Porn

These are a little more than just regular porn.

Random Shit From The Interwebs

So you don’t leave this post with a bad taste in your mouth… These are completely random terms, so I’m sure no one was expecting to land on this site.

  • can cats have cookie butter
  • why does tequila make your penis soft
  • fuck korean tea
  • gay german boys kissing
  • vagina mold hamster
  • green tea and fuck
  • dick shaped shoes

A Learning Experience

I have learned a lot from compiling this list, but I have more questions. So here’s another shittastic list with all the new stuff I learned and questions I have:

  1. People like porn
  2. People can’t spell
  3. How many of my baking ingredients can I masturbate with?
  4. I would like to develop some “lil diabeetus snacks”.
  5. People are full of questions. Seriously, can cats have cookie butter?
  6. Also, fuck Korean tea.

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The fucktacular word cloud generator I used

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Mother Fuckin’ Confidence: How To Be An Expert Baker

14 Aug

Fuckin’ Background

For a class project my fellow students and I had to interview each other on our area of expertise. The other students insisted someone interview me for my baking skills, even though I insisted I wasn’t a fuckin’ expert. Eventually, all this talk gave me the confidence I needed to pretend I was an expert, so  I said “Fuck it,” and pretended to be an expert.

How Did This Shit Happen?

Everything went well while I made the shittacular cake. The small fuck-up happened after the cake was completely finished. I put the cake in a container and put it in the fridge, but when I took it out I peeled the layer of icing off the top. Shit.

Shit. The container was a wee bit too small for the diabeetus cake. 

Shit. The container was a wee bit too small for the diabeetus cake.

Holy shit! It looked pretty bad. Not only was there a big hunk of icing missing, there was also a big crack in the icing that looked pretty shitty.

Look at that shit!

Look at that shit!

I didn’t have anymore of the chocolate buttercream icing that I originally used for the cake, but I did have a small amount of strawberry icing in my freezer. I spread some of the strawberry icing on the cake, and no one noticed at all. Can you tell the difference? I sure as fuck can’t.

Best cover up or bestest cover up?

Best cover up or bestest cover up?

Just so no one would question the integrity of the cake, I put a special message on it.

No one questioned this shit. This is one legit-ass cake.

No one questioned this shit. This is one legit-ass cake.

FYFI: The only thing you need to be an expert baker is mother fuckin’ confidence. Everyone who ate the cake said, “This shit is so good! You have so much fuckin’ talent! And you are so pretty and fit!” Yes, that is a direct quote.

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