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Sportsball World Tri-Series-Athon 2013

30 May

Background

I am a HUGE sportsball fan! Okay, you got me. I haven’t watched sportsball in years and don’t keep up with any teams or players. However, I used to play basketball in high school and my father owned a sports card and paraphernalia shop for many years, so I do know a decent amount about sports and many give me no credit for my knowledge in the area. In their defense, I make fun of sportsball almost every chance I get.

I was invited to a Super Bowl party earlier this year, since that’s when the Super Bowl takes place. I hardily laughed at the Facebook invite, but before I could make a comment mocking everyone about the Super Bowl, someone announced that they were bringing something fuckin’ delicious and wrapped in bacon (AKA: heaven). “Holy fuck!” I thought. I almost forgot that Sportsball is usually accompanied with delicious, unhealthy food. I changed my mind and decided to go. What would I bring to a Sportsball showdown? Brownies seemed like the kind of desserst appropriate for sportsball.

Construction

I got this recipe from my old lady cook book, so if you want it you should go buy a cook book from an old lady. Be sure to tell the old lady that you are going to veganize all the recipes in the cookbook. This will make her think you are cool as fuck, and she will probably want to adopt you.

I doubled the recipe because I thought it was too small. However, after I added the icing this shit was super rich, like fudge, so you may only need to make one. I don’t ever regret making too much, especially since I needed an extra large canvas for my art.

Check out the big ass brownie!

Check out the big ass brownie!

After letting this shit cool, you should add some fuckin’ shiny icing! This is the icing recipe I used. This can easily be made vegan by using a non-cow (or non-other animal milk), vegan butter, and vegan chocolate chips.

This icing was like motherfuckin’ fudge, which means it was amazing. However, many people complain about stuff being too sweet. To them I say, “Shut the fuck up! Also, you might try a lighter glaze or no icing at all.”

Look at all that beautiful fuckin' icing.

Look at all that beautiful fuckin’ icing.

After applying the icing, you need to let it sit for a bit. Then, you can ponder what you want to write on it. I knew I was going to say something about it being the Super Bowl, without actually saying Super Bowl. That’s when I decided I could cram together a bunch of different championship-type sportsball events. That is how “Sportsball World Tri-Series-Athon 2013!” was born.

The words didn’t really cover jackshit on the brownie, so I needed more. I really wanted to get a field goal on the true nature of sportsball. (Field goal was the right sportsball term, right?) I pondered on the true essence of sportsball for some time, like a couple of minutes, or something.

I had a shittacular idea! I would cram as many of the sportsballs on this brownie that I possibly could. I hope you can fuckin’ see because I don’t feel like telling you how I fucked up all the different sportsballs.

TitTip: Stick figures are really versatile and get to the point.

I am a motherfuckin' artist!

I am a motherfuckin’ artist!

Afterward

I posted the finished product on Facebook to share with my friends, and the people who attended my friend’s Sportsball World Tri-Series-Athon got to see and taste this.

The brownie  ended up being interpretative art. The big dick-like thing in the stick figure’s hand was meant to be a baseball bat, but I fucked up the colors and most people thought it was a sword. I was fine with this interpretation, since sportsball would be, not only bearable, but awesome with swords. Dragons too.

I thought it would be fun to make up a sportsball of my very own, which is what in the other hand of the figure. Many thought it was a fried egg, which would also make sportsball more interesting for me. Quick! Someone invent this new sportsball! I think everyone involved in this new sportsball would be a winner.

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