Ice cream cakes are fucktacular, so make them often to improve your chances of diabeetus.
Ice cream cake > cake
This was a green tea ice cream cake. I used this cake, but added two layers of green tea ice cream to make it even fuckin’ better.
This cake got the shit nommed out of it.
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Remember when the Invalid Argument meme was big? This is the product of trying to make that meme into dessert form.
If I could have place all this shit inside a pie my life would have been complete.
TitTip: See the yellow paper in the top left corner? That’s right, I write everything out on paper first to make sure I don’t fuck that shit up on my fucktacular desserts.
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October is National Ergonomics Month, and the only way to celebrate such a fucktacular field is in cake-form!
DANGER: KEEP CAKE OUT OF EYE!
My newest passion is drawing stick figures tripping over desserts. Check out the figure on the cake. It has its hands up in the air thinking, “Holy fuck! Cake! What a shittacular day!” Then, the figure starts to trip over the cake and shouts, “Why cake, why?!” Cakes can be assholes sometimes.
FYFI: Stick figures convey many thoughts and emotions.
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Today is the 25th National Coming Out Day! It’s time to celebrate this fabulous shit with mother fuckin’ rainbow equality cookies!
I used the vanilla refrigerator cookie recipe from my old lady cookbook (Crocker, 1978), but I got the idea and some instructions from the Hungry Rabbit’s blog.
Ingredients
(prepped according to the package)Instructions
Mix the first 4 fabulous ingredients, and gradually mix in the next 3 ingredients. When that shit is all mixed together, separate into 6 separate bowls and add a different food color to each bowl.
Look at the fuckin’ colorful fridge ready dough!
Refrigerate the dough for at least an hour. Then, roll that shit into equally sized rectangles (about 2 inches wide, 11 inches long and 1/4 of an inch thick).
TitTip: I drew a big, black rectangle and put that under the parchment paper I rolled the dough onto. This is a pretty fuckin’ clever way to keep all the rectangles the same size.
Fucktacular pride!
Refrigerate all the layers separately for an hour. Repeat until all your fuckin’ colors are gone.
If you are a planner, you can arrange the colors to resemble the pride flag. I made these cookies twice before I realized I fucked the order up. Fuck it, my goddamn heart was in the right place, and no one noticed since they were mesmerized by the colorful-ass cookies.
Stacked to fuckin’ perfection.
This is where I deviate from the Hungry Rabbit’s instructions. The first time I made these cookies all my layers got smashed together when I tried to cut them and this made them look shitty. The second time I froze the completely stacked dough for an hour and then cut it into segments (about a 1/4 of an inch thick). If you have trouble with runny colors, freeze that shit.
Once you cut the cookie dough, place those lil’ bitches about an inch apart on a pan and bake at 350 degrees for about 12 minutes.
The freshly cut dough and finished product. Consume and feel fabulous!
Not perfect, but fuckin’ close enough. Look at the Hungry Rabbit’s recipe if you want better looking cookies, you fuckin’ cookie snob.
So. Much. Pride.
Mother fuckin’ pride!
Here’s one of my cat rocking some rainbow feathers. Cats aren’t as judgmental as people think. They don’t give a fuck about anyone, but they do enjoy looking fabulous.
This pussy is fuckin’ fabulous.
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This red velvet cake was a salute to a lady who likes ladies. You know who you are. *winky face*
The secret is out!
This was the recipe I used, but I added a dash of gay to give it just a hint of fabulous.
Veganize that shit: As with most recipes, this one was easy to veganize. Replace the eggs with VeganEgg
FYFI: You may be thinking, “I haven’t seen a bottle of gay in the supermarket. How do I get gay?”. Don’t fret, straight ally, I am super fuckin’ nice, so I will share the secret of getting gay in four easy steps. (Don’t forget to bring a jar so you can save your gay for future baked goods.)
That’s it? Yes, it is that easy! I always couple a drunk homosexual with the sensual feather tickle. I think that is the most effective, fastest, and fun combination for both the tickler and the tickle-ee, but do whatever you fuckin’ want.
This cake was so gay. I mean, nommy. This cake was so nommy.
This was a pretty good cake, but next time I will add more gay. TitTip: You can never have too much gay.
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The Foul-Mouthed Baker 