The Foul-Mouthed Baker

In a previous, shittacular post, I shared the recipe for Sriracha Cream Cheese Icing. Now, because I’m so fuckin’ nice, I’ll share a recipe for potato chip and pretzel cupcakes that pair well with that rooster sauce icing.

Ingredients:

• 1 3/4 cup of flour (the all-purpose shit)
• 1/2 cup of sugar
• 1/2 cup of unsweetened coca powder
• 1 teaspoon of baking soda
• 1 cup vegan mayonnaise (no shitty Miracle Whip)
• 3 large-ass flax eggs* (see note at the end of this shit)
• 1 fuckin’ hot cup of water
• 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
• 1 bitchy teaspoon of vinegar
• 1 or 2 cups of fucked-up pretzels and/or potato chips

How to Make This Shit

Mix the first four ingredients. Add everything else, except for the pretzels and potato chips, and mix that shit until it is pretty smooth. Add in the pretzel and/or chip crumbs and pieces.

Now you can have diabeetus AND high blood pressure! Huzzah!

Now this is where you have to make a mother fuckin’ decision: pretzels and/or potato chips?

FYFI: I tried both, separately. The handful of people who tried both types agreed the potato chip cupcakes were far superior. Some thought the pretzel cupcakes were fuckin’ disgusting. Other liked the pretzel cupcakes, but still preferred the potato chip cupcakes.

Once you have made a god-dammed decision, add in enough pretzels/potato chips to make the batter pretty lumpy. Use the fuckin’ picture I’ve provided for you above (top right corner) to determine if your’s is lumpy enough.

They look very similar, but the cupcakes on the left were delicious, while some accused the right of tasting like shit.

Grease your cupcake pans and bake that shit at 350 degree for about 15 minutes (mini-cupcakes) or 25 minutes (regular cupcakes), or until a toothpick inserted the middle comes out without any shit on it.

Once these little cunts cool off, you can top them with Sriracha Cream Cheese Icing and sprinkle some potato chips or pretzel crumbs on top.

Check out these little cunts!

TitTip: These cupcakes are not for the faint of heart, or lame of taste buds. Only try this shit if you are a magnificent cunt.

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*How to Make a Flax Egg:

1. Mix 1 tablespoon of ground flaxseed and 2 tablespoons of water.
2. Let it sit for about 5 to 10 minutes.
3. If you want it to be really fuckin’ good, let it sit in the fridge and stir halfway through.

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Tags: Chocolate, Cook, cunt, Cupcake, Fuck, FYFI, Humor, Icing, lol, lulz, magnificent cunt, Miracle Whip, Potato chip, Potato chips, Pretzel, Pretzels, savory cupcakes, snack, Snacks, Sriracha, Sriracha Cream Cheese Icing, Teaspoon, TitTip, Vegan, Vegan baking, vegan cupcakes