The Foul-Mouthed Baker

This red velvet cake was a salute to a lady who likes ladies. You know who you are. *winky face*

The secret is out!

This was the recipe I used, but I added a dash of gay to give it just a hint of fabulous.

Veganize that shit: As with most recipes, this one was easy to veganize. Replace the eggs with VeganEgg, and the cream cheese and butter with your favorite vegan alternative. I am not aware of any vegan buttermilk that is commercially available, but making your own is so fuckin’ simple. To do this, put a cup of your favorite vegan milk and 3/4 tablespoon of vinegar in a bowl, mix it up, and then allow that shit sit for about 10 minutes. The mixture will curdle a little bit, and then you know that shit is ready.

FYFI: You may be thinking, “I haven’t seen a bottle of gay in the supermarket. How do I get gay?”. Don’t fret, straight ally, I am super fuckin’ nice, so I will share the secret of getting gay in four easy steps. (Don’t forget to bring a jar so you can save your gay for future baked goods.)

1. Locate a homosexual. (THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Gain the trust of the homosexual. Or get the homosexual drunk.
3. Secretly expose the homosexual to something he/she is allergic to (e.g., a Southern state, non-organic foods, a Republican senator, etc.) or you can tickle their nose with a sensual feather.
4. Open your jar and hold it out to catch their magical sneeze juices.

That’s it? Yes, it is that easy! I always couple a drunk homosexual with the sensual feather tickle. I think that is the most effective, fastest, and fun combination for both the tickler and the tickle-ee, but do whatever you fuckin’ want.

This cake was so gay. I mean, nommy. This cake was so nommy.

This was a pretty good cake, but next time I will add more gay. TitTip: You can never have too much gay.

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Tags: Baking, Baking and Confections, Cake, Cakes, Confectionery, Cream Cheese, Cream Cheese Icing, DIABEETUS, gay, Gay Lesbian and Bisexual, Homosexuality, Humor, ladies who like ladies, laughter, LGBT community, lol, lulz, magical sneeze juices, Rainbow, Red velvet cake, red velvet cake with cream cheese icing, Republican senator, sensual feather, smile, Southern state, Vegan, vegan buttermilk, vegan cream cheese, veganize