The Foul-Mouthed Baker

Are you sad because cream cheese icing isn’t vegan? Well, unfuck yourself and get happy because vegan cream cheese icing is not only possible but totally tits.

There are two ways to make this vegan shit. Each way is based on your level of laziness:

1. For the Lazy Fuckers: There are less ingredients this way.
2. For the Slightly Less Lazy Fuckers: Requires more ingredients and measuring, but it’s still pretty fuckin’ easy.

Use vegan cream cheese icing to write inspirational shit in perfect handwriting.

Way 1 – The Shit the Lazy Fuckers Will Need: 

• 1/2 cup vegan butter, softened
• 8 oz of vegan cream cheese, softened
• 3-4 cups of powdered sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Way 2 – The Shit the Slightly Less Lazy Fuckers Will Need: 

• 1 cup of vegan butter, softened
• 3-4 cups of powdered sugar
• 1-3 tablespoons of vegan milk
• 1/2 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar
• 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon of lemon juice
• 1/4 teaspoon of salt

Making This Shit (Both Type of Fuckers):

1. Cream the cream cheese and butter (or just butter, if you are a slightly less lazy fucker).
2. Put the remaining ingredients in the fuckin’ bowl and mix that shit until it is smooth.

TitTips:

• For both recipes, slowly add the powdered sugar to get the icing consistency you want. More powdered sugar = thicker icing.
• For both recipes, add more milk if you make it too fuckin’ thick. You shouldn’t need milk if you are a lazy fucker, but just in case you fuck this shit up and somehow make it too thick…

I use Kite Hill, which is way better than any cream cheese shit made from milk meant for a baby cow.

Mix that shit.

So fuckin’ smooth.

Put that shit on carrot cupcakes. Or a spoon. Or your finger.

Watch and take pictures as your cat rudely steals your icing. No reason to stop him…

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Tags: Cat, Cream Cheese Icing, Kite Hill, Vegan, vegan cream cheese