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I Can Fly Twice As High: Dick-Shaped Hot Air Balloon Cookies

17 Jul

Dicktacular Baking Inspiration

The day someone shared penispans.com with me my life was forever changed for the better. From that moment forward I wanted to create something fucktacular a with a phallic baking accessory that would be perceived as something more than just a dick.

I found out friends of mine were having a birthday party for their bad-ass one-year-old, and the theme was hot air balloons. “Holy fuck!” I shouted, as I grabbed my novelty penis cookie cutter and set myself to sketching out a sweet, dick-shaped hot air balloon.

Dicktacular Plans! Yes, this type of thing is just laying around in my apartment all the time. 

Dicktacular Plans! Yes, this type of thing is just laying around in my apartment all the time.

BTFW: If you are thinking: “Hey, this isn’t appropriate for a one-year old’s birthday party! What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?” That is a perfectly normal thing to think. However, please keep in mind:

  1. The kid is one, so she’ll have no idea these are dicks.
  2. Any other kids who see these would have no idea they are chewing on some nommy cocks.
  3. I made other non-dick shaped cookies, so if my friends didn’t want these special cookies out for their kiddo’s party they didn’t have to put them out. When I sent these to my friends, I even threw in some of the best fuckin’ chocolate chip cookies because I’m thoughtful as fuck.
  4. You’re boring! Don’t be such a prude, fucker.

Cookie Cock Construction

I had to do all the regular cookie making shit: mix an assload of dough, cut out a fuckton of shapes (ex: dicks, rainbows, etc.), and then bake that shit.

Some baked dicks.

Some baked dicks.

Now comes the part that only a master cookie decorator could complete: making the dicks resemble hot air balloons.

Just fuckin’ with you! It’s not hard. Even a fuckhead could do it, so give it a try, fuckhead.

This is how you make dicks look like hot air balloons

This is how you make dicks look like hot air balloons

Be Fuckin’ Careful!

Be careful with this shit! These dicks are soft and break easily.

Story of my life: dick breaking.

Story of my life: dick breaking.

I never cry over a broken dick; I repurpose it.

Building something out of a broken dick.

Building something out of a broken dick.

Hot Air Balloon Dick Cookies

Here are the fucktacular products of my labors.

This shit is colorful.

This shit is colorful.

What a lovely day for a ride in a hot air balloon that's shaped like a dick.

What a lovely day for a ride in a hot air balloon that’s shaped like a dick.

Check out all these hot dicks.

Check out all these hot dicks.

Cookie Cock Comic

I made a horrible comic with a broken dick.

Shitty Dick Comic: Part I

Shitty Dick Comic: Part I

Why Would I Buy a Cock Cookie Cutter?

Why wouldn’t everyone buy a fuckin’ cookie cutter that allows them to make dick-shaped cookies? The possibilities with this cookie cutter are mother fuckin’ endless! I’ve made Christmas Cock Cookies and some Valentine’s Day cock cookies with this cookie cutter.

__________

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5 Responses to “I Can Fly Twice As High: Dick-Shaped Hot Air Balloon Cookies”

  1. James August 15, 2014 at 12:17 am #

    This is easily one of the funniest things I have ever read.

    • Foul-Mouthed Baker August 15, 2014 at 3:01 am #

      You, sir (I’m assuming), are fucktacular! Comments like this make all nights surrounded in dick-shaped cookie dough worth it.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] Hot Air Balloons […]

  3. Spicy Chocolate Cocks: Cram it in Your Cock Hole! | The Foul-Mouthed Baker - April 13, 2017

    […] Hot Air Balloon Cookies that are also Dicks […]

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