Dicktacular Baking Inspiration
The day someone shared penispans.com with me my life was forever changed for the better. From that moment forward I wanted to create something fucktacular a with a phallic baking accessory that would be perceived as something more than just a dick.
I found out friends of mine were having a birthday party for their bad-ass one-year-old, and the theme was hot air balloons. “Holy fuck!” I shouted, as I grabbed my novelty penis cookie cutter and set myself to sketching out a sweet, dick-shaped hot air balloon.
Dicktacular Plans! Yes, this type of thing is just laying around in my apartment all the time.
BTFW: If you are thinking: “Hey, this isn’t appropriate for a one-year old’s birthday party! What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?” That is a perfectly normal thing to think. However, please keep in mind:
- The kid is one, so she’ll have no idea these are dicks.
- Any other kids who see these would have no idea they are chewing on some nommy cocks.
- I made other non-dick shaped cookies, so if my friends didn’t want these special cookies out for their kiddo’s party they didn’t have to put them out. When I sent these to my friends, I even threw in some of the best fuckin’ chocolate chip cookies because I’m thoughtful as fuck.
- You’re boring! Don’t be such a prude, fucker.
Cookie Cock Construction
I had to do all the regular cookie making shit: mix an assload of dough, cut out a fuckton of shapes (ex: dicks, rainbows, etc.), and then bake that shit.
Some baked dicks.
Now comes the part that only a master cookie decorator could complete: making the dicks resemble hot air balloons.
Just fuckin’ with you! It’s not hard. Even a fuckhead could do it, so give it a try, fuckhead.
This is how you make dicks look like hot air balloons
Be Fuckin’ Careful!
Be careful with this shit! These dicks are soft and break easily.
Story of my life: dick breaking.
I never cry over a broken dick; I repurpose it.
Building something out of a broken dick.
Hot Air Balloon Dick Cookies
Here are the fucktacular products of my labors.
This shit is colorful.
What a lovely day for a ride in a hot air balloon that’s shaped like a dick.
Check out all these hot dicks.
Cookie Cock Comic
I made a horrible comic with a broken dick.
Shitty Dick Comic: Part I
Why Would I Buy a Cock Cookie Cutter?
Why wouldn’t everyone buy a fuckin’ cookie cutter that allows them to make dick-shaped cookies? The possibilities with this cookie cutter are mother fuckin’ endless! I’ve made Christmas Cock Cookies and some Valentine’s Day cock cookies with this cookie cutter.
__________
The Foul-Mouthed Baker 
This is easily one of the funniest things I have ever read.
You, sir (I’m assuming), are fucktacular! Comments like this make all nights surrounded in dick-shaped cookie dough worth it.