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Spicy Chocolate Cocks: Cram it in Your Cock Hole!

13 Apr

FYFI: If you don’t want to make these cookies shaped like cocks, you don’t have to. You can also make them shaped like a vagnia, butt, or breasts. Or like a star or snowflake or something lame like that.

The Shit You’ll Need:

  • 2 flax eggs or Vegan Eggs (because eating chicken eggs is fucked up)
  • 1 cup of vegan butter, softened (I use soy-free Earth Balance.)
  • 3/4 cup of organic granulated sugar
  • 1 teaspoon of vanilla
  • 1 cup of cocoa powder
  • 3 cups of gluten-free flour blend (I use mother fuckin’ Pamela’s.)
  • 3/4 teaspoon of Xanthan Gum
  • 2 teaspoons of baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon of salt
  • 4 tablespoons of chili flakes (If you are a little bitch, and can’t take heat you can leave this out.)
  • 4 teaspoons of ground cinnamon
  • 2 teaspoons of ground ginger
  • * for extra spicy cocks add 2 teaspoons of cayenne pepper

How to Make This Shit:

  1. Make the flax eggs or the Vegan Eggs, as directed. To make the flax eggs, mix two tablespoons of ground flaxseed and four tablespoons of water and let that shit sit for 5 to 10 minutes in a fridge. This makes two flax eggs. Set this shit to the side.
  2. Beat the sugar and softened butter Until that shit is creamed.
  3. Then, add in the flax eggs (or Vegan Eggs) and vanilla.
  4. Slowly add in the cocoa powder. If you do it too fast, that powder will get all over the fuckin’ place. Don’t be a messy fucker.
  5. Mix the flour, xanthan gum, baking powder, and salt, and slowly add this to the rest of the mixture.
  6. Cover and pack this shit up and put it in the fridge for at least an hour, or overnight.
  7. Roll out the dough to about 1/4 inch thickness and cut out some dicks.
These soft, unbaked cocks are about to get hard!

These soft, unbaked cocks are about to get hard!

8. Put the dicks in the oven for about 10-15 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

Firm dicks are the best dicks.

Firm dicks are the best dicks.

9. When your dicks are hard, you’ll know they are done.

Make a pile of dicks, take a stunning picture, and post on Instagram.

Make a pile of dicks, take a stunning picture, and post on Instagram.

__________

So many dicks:

__________

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One Response to “Spicy Chocolate Cocks: Cram it in Your Cock Hole!”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Dicks for Grads! | The Foul-Mouthed Baker - April 27, 2017

    […] Spicy Chocolate Cocks […]

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