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Tag Archives: garden party

How to be the Life of the Garden Party: Make Fancy Dicks

3 May

Recently I was invited to my first garden party. I was shocked and fuckin’ flattered. The only thing I knew about garden parties was that people wear fancy hats.

What would I make for such a classy event? Thinking back to the fancy hats my mind naturally drifted to dick-shaped cookies with fancy hats.

Instructions:

Step 1: Be sure to sketch out a few ideas on paper before you commit it to a cookie someone is going to put in their mouth. Most people don’t like putting any ol’ dick in their mouth.

One piece of advice I can offer is to not sketch this out in the notebook you use at your place of employment. A loose leaf sheet of paper kept in the privacy of your home will suffice.

It all starts with inappropriate sketches.

It all starts with inappropriate sketches.

Step 2: Make the best fuckin’ cookie dough. Then flatten the dough and cut out a dick with a fancy hat. I started with a dick cookie cutter and then used a sharp knife to carve the hat out around the heads.

You could also draw out a dick with a fancy hat on cardstock, cut the dick out, and then use it as a stencil with a sharp knife to make your dicks uniform.

Hats off to you, fancy dick!

Hats off to you, fancy dick!

Step 3: Decorate your fancy dicks. It’s always best to decorate piecemeal, so each piece can dry before you start on the next.

Decorate your dicks extra fancy!

Decorate your dicks extra fancy!

Step 4: Take fucktacular pictures of your fancy dicks. I’m glad I made these fancy dicks just in time for bluebonnet season. These fancy dicks are truely Texans.

A fancy couple in a small field of bluebonnets.

A fancy couple in a small field of bluebonnets.

 

Nice enough for an eHarmony profile picture.

Nice enough for an eHarmony profile picture. I’d date this dick.

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Dicks aren’t just for the bedroom and garden parties! Here are a few neat dicks you can make for several occasions:

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